Ky B’s Rage: Fantasy Football Edition

Dear Fantasy Football,

Why do I play you?

All you do is give me anxiety. Second, triple, quadruple guessing who to start and who to pick up and then Chris Ivory gets 15 points on my bench while Riley Cooper got 6 in my FLEX position.

A crapshoot, that’s all you are. So-called “experts” from Yahoo!, CBS Sports, ESPN, etc. claim to know what they’re doing but they don’t either. Nobody does.

Is anyone ever really 100% satisfied with their entire roster going into the week? Even if I think I feel remotely close to it, the doubts creep in as soon as the games kickoff at Noon.

Every year at about this time in the season, regardless of where my team is in the standings, I always tell myself I should quit you. I’m just scared of the uncertainty of living through the NFL season without you.

I’ll contemplate that decision again later, for now I will just keep hating you every week.

Sincerely,

Kyle

P.S. I really hate Ray Rice.

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WoT: Songs I’ve Heard Enough for Life

This thing. Now, you might be saying to yourself, this is a classic! You’re thinking too much! It’s just a good time song about partying! What? My DVR is full of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives reruns?

Seriously though, this thing. First of all, have you ever heard a studio version of this song? I never have until I found that YouTube clip. On classic rock radio, it’s always the same damn live version where the guitar cuts out during the chorus and you can hear every drunk factory worker in Fargo singing along. And it’s punctuated with Gene Simmons (or someone else, I have no idea) chiming in with “WHAT?” or “I CAN’T HEAR YA!”

Secondly, the song has no actual ending. They just get bored of repeating the same riff for two and a half minutes and just play a little arpeggio (?) and voila. Over. It is the longest sub three minute song in history. Also, it’s a ripoff of Cum on Feel the Noize by Quiet Riot. “You say you wanna go for a spin,” is sung virtually the same as “so you think I got an evil mind” or any of the other lines that start with “so.” Even right now I cant separate the songs from each other in my head.

Thirdly, the song has literally like 30 different words in it. Repeated. Over and over. YOU KEEP ON SHOUTIN YOU KEEP ON SHOUTIN!! ROCKANDROLLALLNIGHTANDPARTYEVERYDAYROCKANDROLLALLNIGHTANDPARTYEVERYDAYROCKANDROLLALLNIGHTANDPARTYEVERYDAYROCKANDROLLALLNIGHTANDPARTYEVERYDAYROCKANDROLLALLNIGHTANDPARTYEVERYDAYROCKANDROLLALLNIGHTANDPARTYEVERYDAY

Kiss sucks. Wait…

Yeah they still suck. But I like Beth regardless.

Ky B’s Rage: Budweiser Black Crown Edition

I figured since Todd has his “Word of Todd” segmented posts that I might as well come up with my own. Ky B’s Rage, a play on my name!, is going to be a forum about what’s bothering me. Kind of like what grinds Peter Griffin’s gears.

 

Last night during the Boston Red Sox clinching World Series game, this came on the TV:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyOclq6QT1g

 

Now, I understand that Budweiser is the biggest mass brewing brand in the US and possibly the world but, a few things about this ad made me rage.

1) No George Clooney voiceover.

Come on Bud, what’d we do to deserve this? If I’m going to sit through a 30 second commercial, especially one of a new brew you’re launching, at LEAST let me listen to George Clooney tell me about it! 

2) There’s no way that those people in this commercial would buy this.

Featured in this ad was a dance club or hip place for people to go on a Saturday night.  You’re gonna tell me that what they want to do is all order the same thing and it’s all going to be beer? The people in this ad would be more likely to have rail whiskey and rum rather than a new golden amber lager. If they WERE going to drink beer, they’d be those dude-bros you see out drinking Heineken.

3) You’re not a micro-brew.

I feel like this is trying to capitalize on the huge boom in craft beer over the past decade. It’ll probably sell cause it’s a sweet new black Budweiser bottle! But really, if you had the choice wouldn’t you rather pick up a sixer of a golden amber lager produced by some local people that just have a burning passion about beer? I know I would.

 

This has been the first edition of Ky B’s Rage. Check back to see what I rage about next.

A Letter from The Stream

Hey everyone! For those that have seen me post on FB or Twitter or heard me talking about it, I do a weekly podcast with my friends Jeff Kistle and Todd Kortemeier called Stream of Unconsciousness or SoUC Radio for short. 

At the height of our success, we were averaging about 2,000 listeners on BlogTalkRadio every week. We had also upgraded our equipment, started to incorporate uStream while recording, and had begun to phase into posting shows on iTunes and Stitcher. 

Due to scheduling conflicts we went off the air for a few months but started back up again a few weeks ago! 

Prior to our hiatus, we used to format our show for 2 hours. One hour for sports, the other for movies/current box office/other pop culture discussions. Since we’ve been back we’ve slowly morphed more into three guys having a couple beers and having a weekly discussion about whatever we feel like. However, this format has lead to the 3 of us somewhat losing focus as the show progresses.. 

The goal of SoUC Radio, like others out there, is to gain listeners, have repeat listeners, and have some listener interaction of sorts. This is where you all come in.

If anyone has any suggestions or comments on what they’d like to hear 3 friends with amazing chemistry talk about, please let us know. You can:
– Email us at soucradio@gmail.com
– Follow us on Twitter @SoUCRadio, @WordOfTodd, @KyBrage, @JKistle
– Listen to some of our past shows: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/streamofunconsciousness
– Check out our blog: https://streamofunconsciousnessblog.wordpress.com/ 
(We haven’t posted on the blog since we’ve been back recording but we’re looking at further implementation.)

Thanks for taking the time to read this,
Kyle

P.S. Following us on Twitter gives you a better understanding of who we are!

NFL Draft Live Blog

Because hey, why not? Refresh the page for updates.

6:58 Has this always been at Radio City? Seems like I’d remember that but then again I don’t pay attention.

6:58 Currently drinking? Summit Saga.

7:00 Excellent choice of The Heavy for an opening montage. Poor choice of Russell Wilson. And 50 Cent, holy crap.

7:02 Amazingly, Mel Kiper is the most likeable person on this panel. It’s not really even that close.

7:04 There are Chiefs fans there?

7:05 BOOOOO! COMMISH SUCKS!!! Wait, he said FREEDOM!! YAY!!!

7:06 Well, that was awkward. Never change, Joe Namath.

7:10 Berman: The Chiefs suck, but if they get good players, they could be better.

7:12 Gruden: EVERYONE IS GREAT

7:16 Chiefs take OT Eric Fisher. And the mock draft is off to a rousing start.

7:18 Blue collar = white.

7:19 “small school” Central Michigan? 28,389 students.

7:24 The Jaguars select who cares Luke Joeckel. Three piece suit, sharp.

7:27 The Raiders are hilarious. Never know what’s going to happen. I wouldn’t be shocked if they trade this pick for Marques Tuiasosopo.

7:31 Are there, like, rules on who you can draft? Can you draft ANYBODY? Do they even have to have played football? I’m just saying, I’m available for this sort of publicity stunt.

7:33 Oh the Raiders are the best.

7:34 The newly picking Dolphins select Dion Jordan DE (or OLB, nobody seems to know) out of Oregon. Interesting. Went 7th in our draft.

7:36 Gruden: Jordan is TERRIBLE! But here’s all these GREAT things about him! He sucks though! Maybe!

7:41 Dion’s heart will go on.

7:43 Eagles take the 3rd OT of the draft, Lane Johnson of Oklahoma. And the Chargers are already screwed and might as well trade.

7:44 I know the NFL are experts at wasting time, but the “pick is in” graphic is almost as meaningless as the glow puck. There’s still several minutes before the actual pick is made.

7:46 Berman speaking like a man who has played his share of Legos.

7:49 “Decimated” “shredded” also apt descriptions for the city of Detroit itself.

7:50 Confused Old Man Barry Sanders announces the Detroit Lions select Ezekiel Ansah, DE from BYU. He appears to have just come from a 3D movie.

7:54 Um, what?

7:55 The ever-present high picking Browns select Barky Mingo, DE out of LSU. He is a human/labrador hybrid.

7:59 Those guys sitting at those tables aren’t actually doing anything right? They just submit the pick? There has to be an easier way of doing this.

8:01 The Arizona Cardinals select Jackmerius Tacktheritrix, Michigan State.

8:03 Actually Jonathan Cooper, G out of UNC.

8:05 Rams are picking now apparently, trade or something. Mock Draft update, still 0-0. NECK AND NECK!

8:09 Nothing is continuing to happen. Oh wait, a pick! Goodell smiles at somebody in the crowd. Probably gas. Anyway, Rams select Tavon Austin, tiny WR from tiny state west of Virginia. He is immediately the second best WR named Austin in the NFL.

8:12 The Jets’ War Room is a toilet.

8:14 Who are the fat guys standing behind the table of every team on the clock? Is somebody going to attack them?

8:17 The Jorts select Dee Milliner, CB from Alabama. A surprisingly good pick from one of the NFL’s more stupid franchises. Dee is short for DeMarcus.

8:25 I’m awake. “Pick is in” is again a lie.

8:26 Tennessee Titties select Chance Warmack, G from Alabama. Big fella rockin’ the tie bar, but it’s too high.

8:31 My precious Chargers select…DAMMIT

8:33 DJ Fluker, fat ass from Alabama.

8:38 I’m mad now. Stupid Raiders select another DJ, Hayden this time. CB from Houston. No idea who this person is.

8:41 Geno looks lonely.

8:45 Seriously, stop showing him. It’s getting weird and awkward.

8:47 Jets take DT Sheldon Richardson from Missouri, who we had going 28th.

8:50 Seriously though, Fluker is a ridiculous choice. He’s big, but that’s all. He was the third best guard in the draft and there was no reason to take him at 11.

8:52 Panthers make the Chargers pick for them, DT Star Lotulelei out of Utah.

8:59 DAMMIT I CANNOT GET ONE OF THESE RIGHT! Kenny Vaccaro, S, Texas.

9:04 Everybody hates Geno.

9:08 Let’s call it a night there. Hit me up @WordOfTodd.

Mock Draught 2.0

On this week’s podcast, Todd and Kyle did a mock draft for the upcoming NFL draft. They flexed their great football minds. There were reaches, steals, and some pouting. Unfortunately, when I went to edit and post the episode, I may have forgotten to save the file. So I thought I’d post the draft results here.

In addition, I made a game out of this, and we will be crowning a champion after the first round is completed. The guys will get 1 point for getting the slot the player is selected correctly, 1 point for the correct team, and a bonus point if they nail both. So each draft selection there is a possibility to get 3 points. No trades were allowed/taken into account while selecting.

Without further ado, here are the results:

Todd had the first pick, and alternated picks with Kyle throughout.

1. Luke Joeckel – Chiefs

2. Eric Fisher – Jaguars

3. Dee Milliner – Raiders

4. Ezekial Ansah – Eagles

5. Lane Johnson – Lions

6. Geno Smith – Browns

7. Dion Jordon – Cards

8. Chance Warmack – Bills

9. Barkevious Mingo – Jets

10. Jonathon Cooper – Titans

11. Star Lotulelei – Chargers

12. D.J. Fluker – Dolphins

13. Kenny Vaccaro – Jets

14. Tavon Austin – Panthers

15. Sharrif Floyd – Saints

16. Cordarelle Patterson – Rams

17. Alec Ogeletree – Steelers

18. Desmond Trufant – Cowboys

19. Jarvis Jones – Giants

20. Manti Te’o – Bears

21. Jon Cyprien – Bengals

22. Sylvester Williams – Rams

23. Kevin Minter – Vikings

24. Xavier Rhodes – Colts

25. Robert Woods – Vikings

26. Montee Ball – Packers

27. Justin Hunter – Texans

28. Sheldon Richardson – Broncos

29. Justin Pugh – Pats

30. Tyler Eifert – Falcons

31. Zach Ertz – 49ers

32. Matt Elam – Ravens

Jeff’s prediction, Todd will win in a route. (Sorry Kyle)

A little over twenty four hours ago, a horrific event occurred that everyone has heard of by now. To me this was a “where were you moment.”
4:09:44 into the Boston Marathon, there was an explosion at the finish line. Marathon runners would say they thought it was just a cannon going off for celebrating the race and accomplishments that they had all just completed. Moments later, another explosion occurred. Panic set in as waves of people were sent scattering in all directions. Smoke filled the air of Boylston Street. Blood stained the streets and sidewalks.
After the initial shock of the incident, the usual questions raced through my head. Are we under attack? Could this have possibly been an accident?
As the hours passed, we would find out that it was not an accident. Two bombs were detonated at or near the finish line of the Boston Marathon.

From what I understand, the Boston Marathon is one of the most sacred days of the year for the state of Massachusetts. It is a day when hundreds of people push their bodies to the limits. It is a day of celebration. It is a day to be cherished. It is a day of celebration. A day of happiness.
Instead the citizens of Boston, and the rest of the country were left with a day of terror, shock, sadness and grieving. But this is not why I will ultimately remember this day.
I will remember this day for the opposite reason. I will remember the image of Boston’s finest running towards the chaos. I will remember the bravery and courage of all of the members of the police department that cleared the area of innocent people, so they wouldn’t be in harms way, all while they remained behind in harms way to help the wounded.
The images of people on gurneys, the people crying, the people screaming in terror will not be what I remember most about this day. The image that will stick in my head when this event is brought up is the one that most people have seen by now. It is the image of police rushing into the streets right after the explosion to help a runner who was knocked down by the blast. They bolted into action without second thought. Without thinking of their own safety.
The actions of these individuals, along with everyone else that ran towards the chaos is what this day will ultimately be about for me. It acts as a metaphor for this nation for me. No matter what happens. No matter what someone does to us, you won’t beat us. Sure, in the initial shock and awe of what happens, we may run. But there are those of us who will stand up and fight to protect us all. There are American heroes. And when the rest of us see these men and women jump into action without any hesitation, it INSPIRES the rest of us. This is what makes America strong. This is what makes us a nation undividable. One attack will make us rally together, and become stronger than ever before. These actions are what make young boys and girls want to grow up and aspire to be the protectors. Each time you hit us, you create another generation of American Heroes. And after the tragedy that occurred in the city of Boston, now is the time for American Heroes.
And there are also a select few who need to be mentioned. The three who lost their lives in the bombing. A Chinese student studying at Harvard. An eight year old boy. And a member of the class of 2001 from Medford High School. Our thoughts and well wishes go out to these people, and especially their friends and family.

Unnamed Chinese national
Martin Richard
Krystal Campbell

You will all be missed.

Podcast is UP!

Go to http://soucradio.podomatic.com and check out the shows! I’m still finding it hard to get enough time to thoroughly edit the pod. These first ones are going to be rather rough, but stick with it, and we’ll get better!

Podcast Coming Soon!!!

Just a casual update, we here at Stream of Unconsciousness are switching formats from internet radio to a podcast. We are looking forward to a higher quality in sound and content. I will be posting a link to the pod in the next day or two. We are finalizing which sites will host the podcast. So tune back in in the next 24 hours or so.

Word of Todd: In Which I Rant About a Talking Pig

By now, you’ve probably seen this:

Which is, of course, a derivative of this:

The latter video is based on a series of admittedly clever Geico commercials. It is amusing to see idioms come to life. It has very little to do with insurance, but hey, that’s advertising. The commerical, while annoying, is nonetheless effective. Most importantly, it makes sense. The pig is integral to the joke the commercial is trying to make.

That was what makes the first commerical up there such a nonsensical train wreck. Here we have the pig, Maxwell, on a plane discussing the merits of the Geico mobile app. Why? Hell if I know. Apparently he has aged quite a bit from his previous appearance, in which he was being driven home by his 12 year old friend’s mom. Also, now he’s an asshole. Since the flight attendant has to remind him to “power down” his phone, they’ve already probably made the announcement. This hints at another commercial trope, the spokesperson that is a douche and why-is-he-representing-your-company-trope. Other things I hate about this:

-Like the Aflac commercials, there’s some random ethnic guy placed at the end just to provide a reaction shot. Is this a winking nod to the audience? Like, “Hey we know this is stupid, this guy can’t believe it either!!”

-Nobody, anywhere, describes in detail an app for insurance to strangers. Also the pig has hooves and can’t operate a smartphone.

-Why would the flight attendant assume he was playing Words with Friends? Is this some thinly veiled swipe at Alec Baldwin from that thing that happened years ago?

Above all, there is no reason for a talking pig to be in this commercial. The only reason he is is because people liked the first commercial. And that is why we get this saturation. The mind of an ad executive works like this. Make something memorable. It doesn’t have to be good or important, but if it is, great. Do people remember it now? Awesome, now make more! And more, more more! This happens all the time, it even happens with Geico, like with the Cavemen getting their own damn TV series. Look at the State Farm commercials, people “doing the jingle” causes State Farm agents to appear and solve all of their problems. But now it’s been stretched so thin as to be annoying and nonsensical.

There’s another Maxwell commercial where he’s riding a zipline, and another where he’s showering. That one tells you at the end that you can download a Maxwell app. Who are these people that do this? Who wants an app from a commercial? Stop feeding the machine! Advertising can be transformative, and make us laugh. The best advertising stands out from the pack and makes you think about something in a different way. Most of even the most successful commercials are momentary, they don’t stick with you for a long time, and that’s fine. But what is worse than a bad commercial? One of the momentary successful ones that won’t leave you alone. SOMEBODY LIKES MAXWELL! WE NEED MORE! MAXWELL THE FREQUENT FLIER! MAXWELL THE ACCOUNTANT! MAXWELL THE DRAG QUEEN!

Let things be good for however long they’re good, especially when it is something so fleeting as a television commercial. Songs get overplayed, TV shows go on too long (The Office, cough cough), and advertisements are already everywhere. Let’s just cool it. Also, let’s try as a society to move on from talking animals. I know we can do better.